Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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