something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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