oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
