then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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