I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
