so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
