we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
