Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She's the barista slut.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
