i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
