I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
