i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
