I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
