She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
