a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
