dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
