New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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