Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
