i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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