Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
