So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
