oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
