i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
