morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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