Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
