It's Friday. Sex?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
