Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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