Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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