Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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