My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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