Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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