Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
