Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
