I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
