how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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