I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
