Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
