she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
