I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
