Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
