someone get that fucking seahorse.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it glows. i had to have it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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