Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
