HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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