Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
