just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
