Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
