My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
