i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
