you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
