I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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