Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
