Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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