Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
