I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
