Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
