if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
