you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
