Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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