we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
