a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
