cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
