I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
